Archive for the 'Douchebag of the Week' Category

06
Feb
09

Douchebag of the Week – Robert Kennedy Jr.

Douchebag of the Week!Our winner this week could have easily been House Democrats for their taxpayer funded retreat to a luxury spa in Williamsburg, Virgina, but the fact that liberals look at tax dollars as their own money to spend how they like comes as a shock to no one.  So, while totally douchey, not really DBoTW level of doucheyness.

Our winner this week is rabid environmentalist (and at least should be Katherine Hepburn impersonator) Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.   When we say rabid environmentalist we don’t mean he wants to live by those standards, but we aren’t going to talk about his hypocrisy here.  His offense is claiming that the pork industry is a greater threat to the United States than Osams bin Laden.

There are a million ways this is just plain stupid, just check the “Global Warming Myth” category on this blog for enough evidence to disprove that garbage.  But to claim a food production industry is a greater threat to the United States than the leader of a terrorist network hell-bent on the destruction of the country is borderline “special,” if you catch our drift.

This really requires no comment, so we’re going to stop and just post the video below.  The audio quality isn’t the best, but in the first 2 minutes you hear all you need to.

RFK, Jr., you may well be a nice guy, but you are a total douchebag.  And this week, you are king.  You are our Douchebag of the Week.

One last question, how did you offset the carbon footprint of the massive amount of K0ol Aid you’ve clearly consumed?

30
Jan
09

Douchebag of the Week – People United for Change

Douchebag of the Week!Our winners this week are the über left-wing group, Americans United for Change.  They’re made up of the usual, trust fund suspects who seek to slam shut to door of success for everyone else by imposing socialism on the United States.  That’s fine, they can lobby for what they refuse to live by all they want as citizens, but they’ve gone further than that.

Instead of lobbying on the merits of President Obama’s trillion dollar pork bill, mostly because there aren’t any, they’ve decided to make a principled stand by Republicans and the forgotten 11 Democrats (ever noticed they’re not mentioned often in news stories?) in a cause and an opportunity to attach Rush Limbaugh

Why?   Well, as was already stated, they can’t argue the merits of the bill.  How could they argue spending $1.2 trillion in the hope of creating 4 million jobs?  Since no one can say ANY jobs will be created, and there are payoffs to every left-wing cause in the bill, we’d be better served giving 4 million unemployed people $300,000 each, even though that would be a bad idea, too.

So they attack a talk show host of expressing his opinion. 

If you ever notice, these left-wingers aways personally attack conservatives, seek to shut them up or shut them down.  They support diversity of skin pigment and who you screw only.  Think differently and forget it, they seek to destroy you.  This is the real left, fascism by “progressives.”

For their attempt to attack someone for expressing their opinion because they’re too cowardly to debate the facts, Americans United for Change are our Douchebags of the Week.

16
Jan
09

Douchebag(s) of the week – Holder and Geithner

Douchebag of the Week!Picking just one Obama nominee for a cabinet post to be Douchebag of the Week proved to be impossible, so we’ve gone with two.  While limiting it to just two wasn’t easy either, giving the award to all of them simply wouldn’t point out the extra douchebag yard these two went in order to win this week.  Our winners are Attorney General Designate Eric Holder and Treasury Secretary Designate (for now) Tim Geithner.

First, let’s deal with Geithner.  The man seeks to be the head of the Treasury Department, which means the IRS would fall under his control.  Turns out he’s not very good at filing his taxes, owing $34,000 more than he has paid for the years 2001 -2003.  It’s being called a “mistake,” and it probably was.  But what does it say about our tax code that the man charged with enforcing the law can’t understand it well enough to follow it accurately?  It would be one thing if he were advocating for flat-tax or something much simpler than we have now by saying, “It’s so screwed up even I can’t follow it!”  But he’s not, he’s the guardian of the status quo, and for that he’s a douchebag.

Seriously, what’s next, the guy who writes the tax laws not following them?  Oops.

Eric Holder is a douchebag not only for his anti-gun stance, but for his anti-free speech stance.  What does that mean?  In his confirmation hearing Holder wasn’t able to give an answer on the question of weather or not he supports the oxymoronically named “Fairness Doctrine,” the regulation that essentially makes unelected FCC bureaucrats program directors of every talk radio station in the country.  Why couldn’t he answer a question that is essentially “do you support free speech?” with a simply yes or no answer?  Because “yes” is popular with the uber-leftists, aka the Democrat base who seek to silence those who dare not kiss the feet of socialism and cherish liberty, but very unpopular with anyone who understands the issue.  It’s dangerous to put someone in that position who refuses to clearly articulate unequivocal support for free speech, and submitting it in writing later only serves to allow nuanced finessing so as to obscure the true meaning.  Dangerous, and douchebaggy.

Congratulations to both of our “winners” this week, you truly have outshined all the other douchebags up for cabinet posts.  But don’t cry for them, they will undoubtedly step up their games in the future and win one of these for themselves.  And we have a feeling this won’t be the last time we hear from you either.  Well done.

13
Jan
09

Douchebag of the Year – We have a “winner!”

Douchebag of the Week!The voting for this year’s DBoTY was very heavy, and close for a long time. But in the end, we had a clear winner(s) – Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews of the left-wing PR machine known as MSNBC.

For a long time it looked as though Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi were going to pull it off and take the trophy, but a massive push from voters in the last week put Olbermann/Matthews over the top by 5 points.

The final tally went like this:

Olbermann/Matthews – 22%
Reid/Pelosi – 17%
Dodd/Frank – 12%
Al Franken – 10%
Hank Paulson – 10%

While it’s difficult to really say who was doucheier in a year filled with so much douchebaggery, the choice of Olbermann (or as we affectionately call him, Uberdouche) and Matthews is a solid one by voters. They took the once-great NBC News to new lows of media bias and PR hackery. No words we could ever write could to justice to the “thrill up the leg” comment, or any lie spewed by Uberdouche. So, instead of trying, we’re just going to give you a clip of each at their doucheiest.

And Uberdouche. No one clip can encapsulate the extent of his total douchebaggery, so here is just a minute of this asshole at work.

Congratulations to all our contenders and to our winners. We have a feeling a great many of you will be on the list for this year, too.

Good night, and good luck.

06
Jan
09

Douchebag of the Year Nominees

Douchebag of the Week!

This is the last week to vote!

It’s that time again, time to look back at the year and ask you, our readers, who was the ultimate douchebag in 2008.

Just like last year, we make the nominations and you cast your vote. Winner takes all – the Douchebag of the Year Award. (See the winner last year here.)

Here are the nominees, and if we’ve missed anyone feel free to email us with why you think they deserve consideration. Post your choice or email your vote of nominee to contact@itsfirstfriday.com.

The “winner” will be announced on the first Podcast of the year and here then. And you can hear our choices and cases from them on the Year in Review Podcast here.

The Nominees for Douchebag of the Year 2008

Governor Rod Blagojevich. Being a corrupt Chicago politician is nothing new, they damn near invented the concept, but Blago took it to new levels and made the mistake of seeking payoffs over the phone. Douchebag!

Hank Paulson. Mr. $700 billion bailout himself sold the country a bill of goods based upon the need to buy distressed assets, then didn’t buy any. Where did the money go? We may never know, but he’s a douchebag.

Al Franken. The fact that Franken is a douchebag has been long-established, but this year he wanted to become a Senator so he could impose his douchebagery on the rest of the country. He lost, but is now busy trying to lie, cheat and steal his way into the Senate. What a douchebag!

Ted Stevens. Corruption knows no party, and Senator Stevens never met a home improvement payoff he didn’t like. The voters of Alaska had the good sense to throw this guy out of office, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a world-class doucehbag.

Jack Murtha. When not accusing the Marines of murder, Congressman Jack was busy calling his constituents racist rednecks. He must have been referring tot he man in the mirror. What a douchebag!

Charlie Rangel.The New York Congressman that writes the tax laws doesn’t want to follow them. Who does, really? But if you’re going to impose them, you damn well should follow them. And that was just the tip of his corruption that came out this year. Such a douchebag.

The cheating trifecta: Spitzer, Edwards and Mahoney.You know their stories, married men who preach “holier than thou” politics while dipping their pens in different inkwells, payoffs, hookers, lies. Total and complete douchebags.

Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. They could both easily qualify on their own, but together they are douchey force of nature. Whether its defending corrupt Democrats or complaining about the smell of the American people, these two led Congress to an approval rating just below that of the bubonic plague. Their douchebag street cred is beyond question.

Al Gore. While he wasn’t in the news as much as he was when he won last year, he’s still one of the all-time douchebags.

Barack Obama. Playing the race card when it suited him, hanging out with some of the great DB’s Chicago has to offer, and or product of that corrupt machine, Obama’s douchebagery may just be emerging. Time will tell.

Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews. Uberdouche and Mr. Thrill Up His Leg spent the year cheer-leading for Democrats while claiming to be journalists. Essentially having a T1 line from the corrupt Media Matters feeding directly into their vacuous heads, they happily pounded the last nail into the coffin of credibility that holds the rotting corpse of NBC News.

UPDATE: Additional nominees.

Like we said, we knew we’d miss a few, so thanks to those who brought these to our attention.

Charlie Gibson. With all the grace we’ve come to expect from the media, he edited his interview with Sarah Palin to suit his agenda.

Barney Frank and Chris Dodd. How we forgot them we’ll never know, but they are worthy beyond doubt. Claiming the moral high ground on Fannie and Freddie while lining their pockets with their cash and forcing them to make bad loans (not to mention Dodd’s sweat heart mortgage deal) skyrockets them to the status of uber-douche.

UPDATE: Voting is now over and we have a winner.

12
Dec
08

Douchebag of the Week – Colin Powell

Douchebag of the Week!Our winners this week could have easily been any one of the many corrupt Democrats involved in the Governor Rod Blagojevich/Barack Obama scandal, but it’s not.  There will be plenty of time to explore their douchebaggery in the future, no doubt.  No, this week’s winner is none other than former darling of the left, then enemy of the left, and now darling of the left again – Colin Powell.

What could Colin Powell have done to out D-Bag the corrupt Chicago machine gang, you ask?  Well, first off, the corrupt Chicago machine gang hasn’t been convicted of anything…yet.  And since the stories of everyone involved keep evolving, it’s who exactly did what douchey thing is constantly changing (never for the better).  But Powell’s douchebaggery is crystal clear.

Colin Powell thinks Republicans need to become Democrat Lites, of full-blown Democrats with an (R) after their names like him, in order to win elections.  He told CNN that Republicans attempted “to use polarization for political advantage.” 

What polarization, Colin?  Considering the fact that we just ran a candidate that is a squish on a great many issues, what polarizing moves did he make? How did he not fit the template exactly of what you’re hoping the party becomes?  McCain wouldn’t mention Reverend Wright, didn’t bring up race (though that’s all the Democrats seemed to talk about) and didn’t run on gay marriage bans or anti-abortion crap.  He even engaged in the Democrat’s favorite past-time, truly polarizing politics, by engaging the same class warfare as the Dems did. 

The fact of the matter is Democrats win when they run as though they’re Republicans and Republicans lose when they govern as Democrats.  Powell either doesn’t get this fact, or he doesn’t care.  Since he’s spoken out on it, it would seem he cares.

So we thank you for your service to our great country, General Powell, we’re going to pass on your advice.  We will continue to fight for individual liberty, free-markets and free enterprise.  You are free to sell out, though we don’t recall you ever actually having bought in, and free to leave the Republican Party, since that is clearly not where your heart is.  (Seriously, why try to change your party into something that already exists in the other party?  Just join them.)

As you walk out the door, to jump the shark in our opinion, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.  And don’t forget to pick up your trophy for Douchebag of the Week.

05
Dec
08

Douchbag of the Week – The UAW and the Big 3.

Douchebag of the Week!Considering the fact that our winners this week want to “borrow” billions of dollars of our money (not really our money since Congress has already spent all of that and is living on credit, but whatever) in order to feed the same failing machine that brought them to Washington on bended knee in the first place, and have been seeking this “loan” for some time, this honor for Ford, General Motors, Chrysler and the United Auto Workers union is long overdue.

While supports of the bailout have won in the recent past, this honor is reserved for these four groups thanks to their willingness to part with the little bit of unregulated sovereignty they still have (CAFE standards, etc.) in order to suckle the government teet and drain our future even further. Thank you, no.

In spite of the fact that 61 percent of the American people oppose the bailout (oddly, roughly the number of Americans who actually pay income taxes), Democrats in Congress are inclined to grant them the money. Why not, really? So few Members of Congress give a damn about the fact that Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid are already sure to bankrupt the country in a few short years because, hell, they’ll be dead, or at least out of office (with the possible exception of Robert Byrd, who seems eternal), so what’s a few billion more in the grand scheme of things? Why not blow a bigger hole in the Titanic, the thing is gonna sink anyway.

While the CEOs of the once-great dinosaurs grovel for a taste of our cash (after driving to DC in hybrids since their private jet trip went over like, well, pretty much every model of car they’ve produced recently), the UAW has decided to get “serious” about what they’re willing to “give up” in order to save the jobs of their members, the people that really do the work. They’re willing to allow their failing employers to stop paying people for not working. Yay! Very brave stand on their part. Well done. It won’t make a dime’s worth of difference, but what a brave sacrifice.

Why these people don’t stand up and point the finger of blame where it belongs, their inquisitors (and potential future masters) for imposing crippling regulations on their products, will go down as one of the greatest moments in eunuch history.

Not only for their complete lack of testicular fortitude and mismanagement of former titans of American industry, but for seeking to make us unwillingly invest in their failure, the Big 3 and the UAW are our Douchebags of the Week. It’s time to declare bankruptcy, reorganize and, frankly, get their shit together, or go the way of the dodo.

Just for fun, enjoy the picture below of UAW President Ron Gettelfinger contributing to the discussion.

uaw-gettelfinger

PS – Isn’t if funny how Speaker Pelosi complained about the CEOs flying in private jets? Remember her demand for a private jet, an Air Force plane, so she wouldn’t have to rub elbows with commoners on commercial flights? We would wonder how she could say that with a straight face, but we doubt her face moves much at all…




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