20
Jun
08

News of the Weird, News of the World, News of…Whatever!

News of the Weird!Since it’s Friday…

In our never ending attempt to bring you the news from around the world that you may have missed, here is another bit of the written version of the famed last segment of our podcasts

Story #1

Oh, the ironing. A man in Italy was upset about losing his girlfriend, which is normal, but he seemed to be more upset about losing a maid. Instead of trying to work it out with her through understanding, etc., he just decided to kidnap her from the local pub. As weird as that is, it gets weirder. Thankfully the douchebag didn’t rape or kill her, he just brought her home and threatened her into doing the dished and ironing his clothes. Seems as though she may have had a point with the break up. Since there are some women out there who tend to stick around when treated like shit, we fully expect a wedding announcement from this lovely couple just as soon as he gets out of jail. Movel Tov!

Story #2

Would you like your chicken with its hymen intact? Everyone has heard that Chinese food here is much different than Chinese food in China, but just how different is it? Seems like it’s really very different. With the Olympics fast approaching, the communist government has finally decided on new translations for the names of traditional dishes. Gone is the “chicken without sexual life” and in is “steamed pullet.” Shame, really. Now you have to order your chicken specifically without herpes. For the most part the new names are much more appetizing, but “bean curd made by pock-marked woman” still sounds more appealing than “mapo tofu.”

Story #3

The women in the AXE body spray ads should be doing life! If you’re going to commit a crime you probably shouldn’t do it in Singapore. A man was sentenced to 14 years in jail and 18 cane whips on his ass for sniffing the armpits of women throughout area. The article also uses the word “molest” but doesn’t specify anything beyond the armpit sniffing. Whatever the issue, the dude’s got some problems upstairs and, since he’s going away for a while, will probably soon have some problems downstairs, too. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Story #4

Why isn’t Al Gore protesting in Russia? The Russians, in an attempt to control the weather (not in a Bond villain way, but with Putin around who can really be sure) have seeding the clouds around national holidays for years in an attempt to make sure the skies are clear for the celebrations (read: Russians getting more drunk than normal) for years, and without incident (or at least that’s what they say). Well, they finally had one. A 55 pound bag of cement crashed through the roof of a house in Moscow because it failed to pulverize and strip the clouds of moisture. Showing that all of Russia hasn’t given up on Western Values, the homeowner refused the $2,100 offer from the Air Force and is opting to sue instead for damages and “moral suffering.” John Edwards is considering taking the case.

Story #5

Loyalty is one thing, this is something else. In Romania, a village has reelected a dead man to be mayor. While the dead have been a key constituent for the Democrats for years, the dead candidate has yet to catch on…yet. One villager expressed the feelings of the whole, what can only be backwards town when he said, “I know he died, but I don’t want change.” These was no indication as to whether the logical follow up question of, “Well, last term he was alive, now he’s dead. Isn’t that change?” was asked, but that kind of change is clearly the type of change that guy can believe in.

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