18
Jan
08

Douchebag of the Week

You are a Douchebag!Thanks, but no thanks.

That should be the message from this country to Omar Osama bin Laden – yes, that bin Laden – who recently told the Associated Press he desires to be a “peace ambassador” between the Muslim world and the West.

The U.S. has had quite enough of the bin Ladens, thank you, and it makes Omar the Douchebag of the Week.

Frankly, it’s enough that Omar is not taking after some of his siblings who are currently trying to climb the ranks of al-Quaeda and follow in their father’s sandalsteps. Omar said “there is better way to defend Islam than militancy.” Good to know you’ve not chosen a life of burning effigies, apocalyptic rhetoric and suicide belts. Very courageous. To paraphrase Chris Rock, you’re not supposed to kill 3000 innocent Americans, you low expectation havin’ mutha*&%$#*! What do you want, a cookie?

Actually, if you want to help, how about doing what you can to find your dad and his friends and turning them over to U.S. intelligence services? You might even make the First Friday Conservative Hero list with that move.

Alas, no, Omar wants to “talk”.

“I don’t want to be in that situation to just fight. I like to find another way and this other way may be like we do now, talking,” he said in English.

Sorry, Speaker Pelo-, er, Omar, we’re in a war. We fight wars. And as long as pops is still out there planning, plotting and carrying out attacks on this country and her interests, killing more of them before they kill us is going to be a tool on the table.

But if you really just want to talk, how about first saying something like, “I’m sorry. My father is a crazy, batsh*t whackjob and I denounce his movement and his methods. I love America.”

Until then, you’re the Douchebag of the Week.

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