04
Jan
08

Douchebag of the Year – We have a winner!

 Welcome Freepers!  While you’re here, why not check out the First Friday Podcast.  There are worse ways to spend an hour…Thank you and come again.

You are a douchebag!It’s been a long 3 weeks of voting but we finally have a winner for Douchebag of the Year!  The voting was closer for runner-up than it was for first because our douchebag was such a jackass in 2007.  First, a few words about our runners-up.

With the least amount of votes was a group of people that would have done much better were there not such stiff competition from so many this year because they helped tarnish the national pastime, not by their personal use of steriod, but by their acceptance of it by others.  That’s right, in last place was Bud Selig and Major League Baseball owners. 

Next is a man you won’t be hearing much about soon because, well, most people don’t want anything to do with him.  John Edwards did come in second last night in Iowa, but only by the narrowest of margins.  He should soon fade into obscurity where his class-warfare rhetoric belongs.  Though, with an ego the size of his, expect him to return in 4 years and run risk of becoming the William Jennings Bryan of Democratic primaries.  Until then, he will have plenty of time to do his hair.

In 8th place is the man at the forefront of the steroid controversy in baseball, the new homerun king*, Barry Bonds.  After Barley Bondshaving sworn for years that he didn’t take steroids and his single-season and career homerun records would not be tainted, it turns out he was on the juice.  Anyone who has watched Barry over the years noticed that something was off about him as he blew up like the inner-tube of a 10-speed, but he always denied it.  Now he’s facing serious federal charges and the stigma that goes along with getting caught cheating.  The real shame of it all is Barry was great baseball player and would’ve been a Hall of Famer without the juice…

What can be said about Harry Reid that hasn’t already been said about Neville Chamberlain?  Displaying the can’t-do spirit that has made France the military super-powder they are today, Reid pronounced every bit of good news from Iraq as dead as his leadership in the US Senate.  Fortunately for the country, Reid’s ability to predict the future in Iraq isn’t nearly as good as his ability to make millions off shady land deals due to his position in the Senate.  We look forward to Harry making his way higher up the list next year.

In sixth place is Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.  Continually voting for surrender, both in Iraq and of our hard-earned money to government, Speaker Pelosi got next to nothing she set out to accomplish done last year, and we’re a stronger nation for it.  Refusing to meet with General David Petraeus to discuss progress in Iraq was just one of her many capitulations to the extreme Left of her party, but even that wasn’t enough.  Being challenged in this coming November’s election by none other than Cindy Sheehan, things keep looking down for the Speaker.  While she’ll easily win reelection thanks to her family’s money (which comes from companies that don’t allow workers to unionize, by the way), she will also continue to fail in her drive to spread “San Francisco values” to the rest of the country.  But that won’t stop her from trying…

If you don't support peace we will kill you!Number 5 is Code Pink.  What can be said about Code Pink that hasn’t already been said about a crazy person screaming obscenities at the air at a bus stop?  Any organization that prides itself on exercising their right to free speech by attempting to deny that right to others by disrupting public events has a special place in douchebag hell waiting for them.

Jabba the Commie, aka Michael Moore, comes in a strong 4th.  His movie Sicko blew the lid off, well, nothing.  The American people weren’t interested in watching Moore espouse the virtues of Cuba’s health care system over ours.  They also weren’t interested in paying $12 to see a movie that preached the joys of Socialism made by a multi-millionaire who once owned stock in both Halliburton and several drug companies.  Moore helped inspire this award 3 and half years ago (long before First Friday) when we were doing a weekly radio show for our former employer.  Back then it was Hypocrate of the Week because what employer would allow Douchebag of the Week, but in production meetings it was.  And is soon became clear that Moore was beat every week.

Hillary Rodham Clinton takes the bronze this year, a position she is used to after Iowa.  There are so many ways in which to point out HRC’s douchebaggery that to list any is to cheapen her accomplishments by not be able to list them all.  You already know her story; attempting to have it every way on issues by not saying anything, refusing to release her documents, claiming credit for anything good her husband did as President while washing her hands of anything negative, running a “positive” campaign while attacking anyone who was in her way.  Watch her flying monkeys attack Obama over the next few weeks while she attempts to “be positive.”  So much to say, so little time.

Taking the silver metal is group that, unlike our other runners-up who spread their douche-yness out throughout the year, pretty much solidified their position with move that will live in douchebag infamy.  When MoveOn.org placed their MoveOn.org - Just complete douchebagsseverely discounted for no known reason full-page ad in the New York Timescalling General David Petraeus General Betray-Us, they pretty much pissed off everyone except those who had already drank their surrender Kool-Aid.  They were forced to go dark for pretty much the rest of the year, resurfacing only to try to regain some credibility and get some good PR by giving phone cards to the USO to distribute to our troops.  It didn’t work.  They will be back next year with more of the same, and thank God for that.

The envelope, please.

The winner, by your votes, and our first Douchebag of the Year is none other than Al Gore!  Often called an Oscar winner, even though he isn’t (the subject of a documentary doesn’t win the Oscar, the producers do, which he was not), Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for bringing peace to, er, for attempting to bring peace to, no, wait…um, for talking about peace?  Well, no.  For making a boat load of money private-jetting around the world to talk about the damage living like he does is doing to the planet.  The accomplishments of Gore this year would take too long to list and we’d be played off the stage by the orchestra if we tried, but they can be found here

Congratulations to Al Gore, and all our runners-up for great year of douchebaggery.  We expect great things from all of you in the future, we don’t want them, but we expect them.  Congratulations.  Drink up, because the Kool-Aid isn’t going to drink itself!

I'm rich, Biaatch!
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9 Responses to “Douchebag of the Year – We have a winner!”


  1. 1 kidd
    January 4, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    I have to agree with most of the list. A hope Ted Rall (cartoonist) got a dishonorable mention for what he wrote about US soldiers in Iraq: “Only idiots signed up; only idiots died. Back home, the average IQ soared”

  2. 2 Larry M
    January 4, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    I couldn’t agree more with the Gore pick. And thanks for pointing out that HE DIDN’T WIN AN OSCAR! The Media keep lying about that.

  3. January 4, 2008 at 3:10 pm

    I hope Ted Rall got at least a dishonorable mention for his statement about US soldiers in Iraq: “Only idiots signed up; only idiots died. Back home the average IQ soared.”

  4. 4 firstfriday
    January 4, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    Rall is a total douche, but only a few people know who he is. If a douchebag says something douchey in the woods and there isn’t a drum circle near by to hear it, dose he really warrant the coverage? Probably not, but good idea to keep an eye on him anyway.

  5. January 4, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    http://www.salon.com/opinion/greenwald/2008/01/04/huckabee/index.html

    excellent article:
    Worthless chatter
    The endless horse-race obsession isn’t just petty and substance-free but bereft of all insight.

    Glenn Greenwald

    Jan. 04, 2008 | I love when this happens. It’s a reminder that the political prattle that spews forth from group-think media stars without end and which consumes our political dialogue for a full year is based on absolutely nothing. Also, most predictive “analysis” from the media stars’ cousins, the cogs in the right-wing noise machine, is merely self-absorbed wishful thinking masquerading as objective knowledge:

    Joe Klein, Time, December 31, 2007:

    Huckabust

    Des Moines

    Just when you think the Republican presidential race can’t get weirder…Mike Huckabee holds a press conference here to announce that he’d just made a last minute decision not to air a negative TV ad slamming Romney.

    That sound you hear rumbling out of Des Moines appears to be a monumental implosion

    Mike Allen, The Politico, January 1, 2008:

    The national political press corps, which has been wishy-washy and all over the map all cycle had a harmonic convergence yesterday on a single point: Huckabee lost it at his news conference yesterday. “It” being both his stature and, perhaps, the first nominating contest. As pointed out by a colleague, as Huckabee falls back from the number above (which history suggests is more likely than not), the pundits and stories are going to blame it on what Slate’s John Dickerson immediately called “Huckabee’s Nutty Flip-Flop.”

    Reporters are wondering aloud if it was “his Howard Dean moment.”

    Dean Barnett, The Weekly Standard, December 24, 2007:

    I COME NOT TO bury Mike Huckabee. Mike Huckabee has buried himself. Over the next week, the Republican party in Iowa and elsewhere will decide that Huckabee may be a swell fellow, but he’s not of presidential timbre. I predict this decision will be made en masse. Huckabee’s support will likely crater in Iowa.

    But here’s the fun part–no one will see it coming. . . . If Huckabee declines to a distant second or perhaps even third place as I am now fearlessly predicting he will, it will catch the voting public by surprise.

    Jonathan Martin, The Politico, December 31, 2007:

    Huckabee has found himself under the unforgiving glare of the front-runner’s spotlight, and his hopes to win here have now become severely threatened by it. . . .

    Huckabee’s slide can be explained by a series of inter-related factors. His rise came right as the media began to closely cover the campaign, he and his undermanned campaign organization have been ill-prepared to push back against broadsides from both the media and Romney, and his positions and rhetoric have drawn the enmity of a constellation of groups within the conservative establishment.

    Hugh Hewitt, December 28, 2007:

    Romney is fighting a two-front political war. And he is winning.

    Glenn “Instapundit” Reynolds, December 20, 2007:

    THAT DOESN’T SEEM SMART: Huckabee insider disses Rush Limbaugh. . . . [December 21]: LIMBAUGH GOES AFTER HUCKABEE: I told you attacking him was a bad idea.

    Kathryn Jean Lopez, National Review, December 21, 2007:

    Bye-Bye, Mike [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

    This Huckabee insider should get out of Little Rock or whatever rock he lives under that misses what over 20 million Americans get daily.

    Michelle Malkin, December 20, 2007:

    I believe this Rush-bashing incident may turn out to be Huckabee’s Howard Dean scream moment.

    Like Glenn Reynolds said: “Bad idea.”

    Also: Benazir Bhutto’s assassination Changed Everything and helps Giuliani and Clinton. The GOP field is a two-man race between Romney and Giuliani. And Hillary Clinton has a massive 20-point lead and can’t be defeated, except by Condoleezza Rice. One knows much more by ignoring and tuning all of this out. But for a full year, our mainstream political dialogue is filled with all of this — in every leading political magazine and news show — at the expense of anything that is actually real.

  6. 6 Hoosier Daddy
    January 4, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    astraea I dub thee Sir/Dame ass-bag. Go blog somewhere you blowhard Ctrl-C Ctrl-V flatscreen pc junkie. Maybe walk that 1 block to your local Starbuck’s to get your RedBull rather than drive your precious Prius.

    Are you actually trying to make the honorable mentions list?

  7. 7 PJ
    January 10, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    I can’t take credit for this joke. It comes from Jay Leno a long time ago. But it is perfect. It goes, “Do you remember when Al Gore grew that beard? Do you know why he did it?” The answer: “In case the Taliban won.” – Perfect.

  8. 8 Bob Halloran
    February 23, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    censorship is for douchebags you fucking asshole.


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