Senator Edward Kennedy, or Teddy to his kids and bartenders, has sealed a deal for $8 million to write his autobiography. Why would anyone pay him to write something about his life and family, a family that seemingly has had more books written about them than Mary, Joseph and their kid, Jesus? Who knows?
We here are First Friday want to save you $35 bucks (we’re guessing) and just give you the Cliff Notes version now.
Chapter One: Born on Third Base, acted like he hit a triple.
Chapter Two: Screwed his way through school, had stuff handed to him.
Chapter Three: Brother is shot, other brother milks it for political gain.
Chapter Four: Other brother shot; he milks it for political gain.
Chapter Five: Had a little car crash, no biggie. Someone else may have been involved, but never mind. (Shortest chapter in the book.)
Chapter Six: The 70’s? Too drunk to remember any of it beyond a some wives and kids.
Chapter Seven: Magical nights at La Brasserie.
Chapter Eight: Ran for President, fender-bender comes back to haunt him. Drops out, haunting ends (for him).
Chapter Nine: Decides to screw over country from Senate since White House is never going to happen.
Chapter Ten: Sells watered-down version of his life to book small publishing firm, shelters money in family trust fund to avoid death tax.
There, we just saved you cash. You’re welcome.